Ten Of My Favorite Good Bad Movies

While I'm on the topic of movies, there are a special category of movies that exist.  A category of movies that are simply so bad, so ludicrous, that you just can't help but watch them.  These movies are just so cheesy, so poorly acted, that they're just awesome.  It never fails.  You're flicking through the channels, probably looking for something good to watch, you pass a channel on your way to History, or some Adult Swim goodness, and bam!, you're fucked.  All good sense goes out the window, along with the two hours plus commericals, and you feel entertained, though slightly dirty at the end of the experience.  What's worse, you might actually own some of these abominations on DVD, simply because, to be honest, you love that awful movie, although you'll never actually make the effort to pop it into your DVD player or Netflix.  It's simply there in the event that you do. 

With that in mind, here are ten of my favorite awful movies, in no particular order.

All images from Wikipedia, BTW.

Over The Top

Made:  1987
Directed By:  Menahem Golan
Actors Of Note:  Sylvester Stallone.
Plot, Such As It Is:  Stallone stars as Lincoln Hawk, a truck driver who arm wrestles on the side to earn some extra coin.  At the request of his dying ex-wife, he picks up his estranged son to spend time with him as they cruise across the US.  Father and son bond, but arrive too late to see Hawk's wife before she passes away.  Hawk's rich asshole former father in law, Jason Cutler, refuses to allow Hawk to keep his grandson, and after saying goodbye, Hawk heads to Vegas to compete in the World Arm Wrestling Championship.  During the tourney, Cutler offers to essentially buy his son off of him with the promise of half a million and a new semi, and Hawk's son finds out about his grandfather being an asshole by his repeated actions to drive a wedge between his parents and himself.  During perhaps one of the most constepated arm wrestling scenes you'll ever see, Hawk's son arrives at the crucial moment, giving Hawk the needed boost to win.  Father and son reconcile, grandfather gets out of the way, and all live happily ever after.
Why I Like This Movie:  It's essentially Rocky, but less athletic.  That said, it's so honestly cheesy and poorly acted, with characters that are essentially no more developed other than the cardboard cutout chick at the Circle K, that it's just awesome.  Where else can you see life and death stakes on arm wrestling, as well as Stallone performing Hawk's shifting hand grip, which was the clear give away that, oh shit, Hawk's gonna put this away!  It's a stupid movie, but damn it, I'll still watch the hell out of this movie if only because I'll laugh my ass off at half of the "dramatic sequences."
On a side note, this probably won't be the last of these movies starring Stallone, who has made a career of appearing in absolute horse shit movies, some of which are just simply bad.  Rhinestone bad!

Idle Hands

Made:  1999
Directed By:  Rodman Flender
Actors Of Note:  Jessica Alba, Seth Green, and really, that's about all you need to know.
Plot, Such As It Is:  Essentially, Anton is the typical teenage stoner, who by some odd trick of the universe, discovers that his right hand has become possessed.  Anton engages in a string of murders against his will, though he does end up starting a relationship with his cute neighbor Molly (Alba).  After severing his hand to protect himself, the hand escapes Anton's prison (his microwave) and proceeds to go on a rampage.  Eventually, the hand is defeated (humerously by getting it stoned before it is killed with a knife), and Anton lives happily ever after with Molly.
Why I Like This Movie:  To be honest, this is an absolutely stupid movie.  I've only seen this movie the whole way through once or twice.  The writing is horrid, it's premise is too stupid to work for a horror movie, and it doesn't have enough cheap yucks or zany humor for it to work as a stoner movie.  Really, there is only one reason why I even bother with this movie in spurts.  And that reason is Jessica Alba, who is quite the cutie in this film.  If I recall, the past and lamer teenage version of myself had a major crush on her at the time (I was one of the few that watched Dark Angel religiously) before I realized that she really couldn't act worth a damn.  In any case, Idle Hands makes my list simply because, really, Alba is almost worth the price of admission in this movie.  Not full weekend price, but the matinee price at the most.

Death Race

Made:  2008
Directed by:  Paul W. S. Anderson
Actors Of Note:  Actually, some solid actors here with Jason Statham, Joan Allen, Tyrese Gibson, Ian McShane, Natalie Martinez, David Carradine, and the dude from Machete.
Plot, Such As It Is:  Jensen Ames, a former professional race car driver accused of murdering his wife, is sent to compete in the Death Race pay per view event as the wildly popular driver Frankenstein, who had died in the previous race, in exchange for his freedom.  After some pretty awesome racing combat sequences, Ames discovers that he was framed, plans his escape with the other remaining driver, and rides off into the sunset.
Why I Like This Movie:  Yes, it's stupid, and it lacks the B movie violence and gore (and Sylvester Stallone) that the original had, but for the most part, there is one factor that makes this movie a favorite and a must watch:  Jason Statham.  Statham is one of my favorite actors to watch, and while he does a great deal of tough guy work, he is a fairly good serious actor too, in the limited amount of serious work he does.  Most of his work is entertaining, and worth watching, with the exception of the Crank series, which is honestly too stupid to even be considered good by bad movie standards.  In any case, Death Race has an enjoyable amount of violence, the incredibly delectable Natalie Martinez, and, while shallow, doesn't attempt to be anything more than good fun entertainment.  It's a action flick you'll never have to turn your brain on to enjoy.  Just sit back, order a pizza, and pop open a beer.  It's a couple of hours of great fun.  Spike usually runs it about once a week.

Punisher:  War Zone

Made:  2008
Directed By:  Lexi Alexander
Actors Of Note:  Ray Stevenson is the lead, and the only guy that did anything signficant is Wayne Knight, better known as Neuman from Seinfeld.
Plot, Such As It Is:  Frank Castle, the Punisher, essentially just murders his way though the mob, as penance for accidentally murdering a police officer.  Yeah, the plot is paper thin here, enough so that, really, I can't sum it up more than this..
Why I Like This Movie:  To be honest, I do like this movie mostly because it's a lot like the modern Punisher comics that have been released since Garth Ennis completely redid the character in the "Welcome Back, Frank" storyline close to ten years ago.  It's not easy viewing, but to be honest, if you like watching horror movies simply for the violence and gore, this will probably get your motor running.  This, I think, is the last of the Marvel movies before everything was redone under the Marvel Movie Universe line, which has obviously been quite successful.  Also occassionally shown on Spike.

 

Hard To Kill

Made:  1990
Directed By: Bruce Malmuth
Actors Of Note:  Steven Segal, Kelly LeBrock
Plot, Such As It Is:  Mason Storm (Segal), a honest cop, uncovers what appears to be corruption on a tape (for all we know, it could just be his taped reruns of Knight Rider on the thing.)  He is attacked, along with his partner, by corrupt cops, and survives, but is in a coma.  Storm awakens years later, but is still a target by the corrupt cop cabal.  He's saved by Lisa from Weird Science (I'm not kidding), and trains himself back into fighting form at her place.  After recovering said Knight Rider reruns, Segal fights his way to the source of the corruption, a Senator whom he recognized from before thanks to a cheesy catch phrase I can't remember at the moment, and is able to finally clear his name, and reunite with his now teenage son.
Why I Like This Movie:  It's one of Segal's only real acting jobs, and even then that's kind of a stretch to say that.  The sad part of this movie is that the potential was here for it to actually be a quality movie.  Had the producers tried to cast this with actual actors, instead of Segal, Kelly LeBrock, and the regular run of the mill martial arts bad guys, there really could have been something here.  Still, it's entertaining, and represents on of LeBrock's only real roles of note outside of Weird Science.  The dialogue is laughable enough due to the fact that this movie has one of the worsts ensamble casts outside of Double Impact and, of course, the now infamous Street Fighter.

Days Of Thunder

Made:  1990
Directed By:  Tony Scott
Actors Of Note:  Tony Cruise, Nicole Kidman, Robert Duvall, Carey Elwes, Randy Quiad
Plot, Such As It Is:  Cole Trickle (one of the best and worst names ever), a successful Indy Car Driver, is recruited to drive in the NASCAR series by Randy Quaid.  Cole has trouble finishing races, due to the change in cars, but eventually enjoys success until a massive car wreck results in Trickle sustaining serious injuries.  He winds up romancing his surgon, Kidman, while a new hotshit driver (the Dread Pirate Roberts from the Princess Bride) winds up taking over his spot on the team.  When Trickle returns, tensions escalate until he is fired for wrecking his rival into a wall.  Trickle eventually returns to racing when one of his former rivals, turn friends, asks him to pinch hit as a driver at Daytona.  In dramatic fashion, complete with mechanical failure, Trickle wins out.  End credits.
Why I Like This Movie: This is probably one of the first signs that Tom Cruise was mailing it in, in terms of movies.  Essentially, this is pretty much the framework for Top Gun, except with NASCAR and Nicole Kidman built on top of it.  The story is similar to Top Gun, in that a cocky, up and comer suffers a much need fall, dusts himself off and, once given a second chance, is able to shine and come up on top.  The acting isn't great, despite the fact that there are a great deal of quality actors in this film, and the racing scenes are fairly well done.  Overall, there are some that love this film, and others that hate it.  Personally, I see it as just what it is, namely Talladega Nights taking itself much more seriously than it deserves to.

Judge Dredd

Made:  1995

Directed By:  Danny Cannon

Actors Of Note:  Sylvester Stallone, Diane Lane, Rob Schneider?

Plot, Such As It Is: After World War III, human kind has collected in Giant cities, called Megacities (how original) which are policed by officers called Judges, which are police, judge, and executioner.  The most famous of them is Judge Dredd, who is subsequently framed for murder and exiled.  However, Dredd discovers that there is tretchery afoot, tthat his clone brother Rico, whom he had judged years earlier and had sent to prison, had engineered the entire affair to gain power and revenge.  Dredd makes it back to the city, aided by Schneider, whom he had judged earlier in the film, and is able to mount enough of a counterattack that he is able to defeat his brother and restore order to Megacity I.

Why I Like This Movie: For starters, the give away that this is going to be a terrible film is that Stallone's name is in large print at the very top of the poster.  That right there is usually a dead giveaway when it comes to terrible Stallone pictures.  As for the movie, it should be noted that Judge Dredd the comic is based more along the lines of the film Dirty Harry, in which justice is faceless, unrelenting, and eventually, successful.  There is humor, of the dark part, and even the artwork in the magazine is meant to be dark, gritty, and utilitarian.  This is not what Judge Dredd the Movie is.  While it takes itself way too seriously, the movie itself is rather hammy and corny.  Dredd fans were upset over the fact that the movie itself ignored several conventional Dredd guidelines (no romantic interests, Dredd's face can never be shown for starters), and while really that shouldn't be a large issue, it should be noted.  The large problem with this film is that, aside from it being poorly acted, there are too many agendas at work.  Is this a film about what makes a man, which is wrestled by Dredd after he discovers his origins?  Is this a film about the dangers of cloning, or the dangers of having a police state that has too much power over the lives of it's citizens?  A danger about what could eventually arise out of catestorphic war if we aren't willing to think and guide current events outselves?  Or is this just meant to be a large amount of good, cheesy fun?  No one knows, although the legacy of this film is the later.  Even Stallone admits that he may have fumbled the ball with this film.  Fortunately, while I do have a soft spot in my heart for this film, the character looks to be getting a worthwhile adaptation this fall with the movie Dredd.  On another note, one interesting nugget about the film is the inclusion of the song, Dredd Song, written by The Cure.  The reason why I bring this up is that is is probably one of their only appearances on a soundtrack that isn't set in the 1980's and is also completely out of what they would normally contribute to.

Robot Jox

Made: 1989
Directed By: Stuart Gordon
Actors Of Note:  Does it really matter?
Plot, Such As It Is:  After World War III, natural resources are scarce.  Rather than find ways to properly manage these resources, the nations of the world instead decides to distribute these precious goods over giant robot battles.  Those that pilot them are called Jocks.  The main "Jock" in the film is Achillies, who is entering his final fight, while also training, and perhaps wanting to bang his replacement, Athena.  His arch nemesis is a man by the name of Alexander, a Russian (of course, as this was made towards the end of the cold war, when the Russians were still supposed to be the bad guys.)  What happens is that Achillies accidentally kills some spectators during his final match, which haunts him until he finds out that Athena will fight in his place at the rematch.  Long story short, there are some epic robot battles, which even take place in space, before Achillies and Alexander, out of respect, stop fighting and salute each other.
Why I Like This Movie:  In terms of acting ensembles, this is one of the worst ever collected.  The plot line is absolutely horrid, and has so many holes that you could drive a fleet of mack trucks through it and not do any damage.  But why do I love this movie?  GIANT FUCKING ROBOT BATTLES!  Oh hell yes!  This is actually a movie that should totally be remade.  Imagine the possibilities, with an actual plot.  I've only seen this movie in English once, and haven't seen it in a Region I DVD.  I have, however, seen it countless times in Spanish, which I understand.  That is irrelevant, again, because of the GIANT FUCKING ROBOT BATTLES!

GIANT FUCKING ROBOT BATTLES!

Sorry, I had to say it one more time.

Double Impact

Made: 1991
Directed By: Sheldon Lettich
Actors Of Note:  Just a whole lotta Jean Claude Van Damme
Plot, Such As It Is:  Twin brothers seperated at birth, Chad and Alex, are reunited 25 years after their family was murdered by a business partner, seeking to consolodate his hold over their mutual business holdings (yeah, that sounds stupid, but I'm talking about Double Freaking Impact, so hush.)  The two subsequently are targeted by the Chinese Triads, who are in league with their parents' killers, and after some bumps along the road, the two are able to avenge the death of their parents, stop the Triads for good, and become brothers once more.
Why I Like This Movie:  This is probably the closest anyone would ever get to having a Double Dragon movie, and yes I'm aware that Double Dragon was made into a movie.  It sucked.  And this is my blog anyway, so pound sand.  This movie was trumpeted as being Van Damme vs. Van Damme, although it really never gets to that point.  There are some good action sequences, and a lot of ridiculous dialogue and T&A, which was par for the course of a lot of Van Damme movies.  However, unlike a lot of the earlier Van Damme films, like Bloodsport, Kickboxer, and Universal Soldier (the holy trinity of JCVD films), Double Impact never really had much of a hold on anyone, and exists strictly as mindless fun, and late night cable or spanish language programming.  Again, you really just watch this film to see JCVD kick some almighty ass.

A Night At The Roxbury

Made: 1998
Directed By: John Fortenberry
Actors Of Note:  Chris Kattan, Will Ferrell, Molly Shannon, Richard Greico
Plot, Such As It Is:  Two brothers, Steve and Doug Butabi, are a pair of clubgoers that are miserable failures at both getting into clubs, as well as meeting women.  By day, they work in a plant store, mostly fucking off, while also dreaming of building a club on the level of the Roxbury, which they can never enter.  Tension is also provided by the fact that their father wishes Steve would marry the aggrevating daughter of the lamp store next door, allowing them to combine the two businesses.  One day, the two finally do enter the Roxbury after meeting Richard Greico shortly after an accident, where the two meet the clubs owner, who takes an instant liking to them.  The two wind up meeting a pair of women, with whom they have awkward sex with, until they are wind up on the wrong side of the owner's bodyguard, played by Colin Quinn.  Their world falls apart after the brothers have a falling out, and Doug moves into the family guest house.  Steve ends up dating the lamp store owner's daughter, until the day of the wedding, when the two reconcile and Steve breaks off the engagement.  The two brothers end up seeing their club idea after all, and discover that they are, in fact, part owners, with the club having been constructed by the club owner from earlier in the film, and the two go on happily ever after. 
Why I Like This Movie:  The film was born of a rather hillarious SNL sketch, which probably didn't merit being made into a movie, but was.  The film's novelty wears thin quickly, resulting in the inevitable drag that terrible movies usually experience.  That said, it does have it's stupid humor in droves, and has cursed Collin Quinn with the infamous "Did you touch my ass?" line that plagues him to this day.  Sadly, it's probably one of the more successful SNL film productions ever made by the studio, and despite it being hammered by critics, it enjoys a cult following.  I won't sit through this movie entirely, but I'll catch it from time to time and watch a good 45 minutes of it.  One final note about this flick is that it's soundtrack is very much a time capsule of the time.  Anyone that remembers the house music of the 90's will identify the movie's soundtrack as fairly accurate time capsule of the era.

And that's it for now.  I don't think I can write about more awesomely bad movies for now.  Until next time....

Movie Review: Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter

Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter is actually quite a fun movie.  While it does have its parts that it kind of drags, overall it's worth the price you're paying in admission. 

In any case, the story goes like this, and I'll try and avoid any major spoilers.  Lincoln, from an early age, discovered the presence of vampires in the world after he saw his mother be attacked by a vampire his father worked for, and saw her subsequently die from the attack.  When he matured, Lincoln attempted to take revenge, only to have it fail miserably.  He would subsequently be rescued and trained by Henry Sturgess, who teaches Lincoln the ways of the vampire hunter while also imparting on him an important code from which to operate.  Lincoln is sent off into the world, where he later meets his wife, Mary Todd, and subsequently catches the attention of the cabal of southern vampires that secretly holds power in the south.  Lincoln subsequently attempts to find his own way of dealing with the menace, but soon discovers that he cannot completely separate himself from not just Sturgess' methods, but also from the direct action of the vampires themselves.

The movie itself differs in the book in many ways.  Several events are changed in the book, and certain characters are omitted altogether.  The role of Edgar Allen Poe, and even some of Sturgess' functions are delegated to Joshua Speed and William Johnston, two of Lincoln's actual friends and aides.  Both actors are superbly played, although Jimmi Simpson's (Johnston) performance is the better of the two. Mary Todd Lincoln's role is also subsequently raised, and even the ending is altered.  While this may anger some fans of the book, it does make the movie its own unique entity that really must be enjoyed on its own, rather than as a direct companion to the book.  The acting is top notch, as Benjamin Walker does a fantastic role as Lincoln.  While he does phyiscally resemble Lincoln to a certain extent, more so when he has the full beard, Walker makes the role his own.   Rather than simply try and portray the 16th president as the historical caricature that has developed around him, but instead gives Lincoln that solemn feel that surrounded him in his later days, while also showing Lincoln the man, in as much as the story could allow it.   Mary Elizabeth Wanstead also does well as Mary Todd Lincoln, able to portray her with a dose of girlish charm, but also able to channel the same sort of determined constitution that the actual Mary Todd did in terms of supporting her husband.  But the true show stopper here is Henry Sturgess, played by Dominic Cooper, who is able to play the master vampire hunter with a great deal of charm, danger, and a certain sense of wisdom and weariness that comes with the role.

The story is fairly self contained, and one doesn't need to have read the book or have any other background knowledge to understand the book.  There are a few basic vampire laws that are broken throughout the book, although these are typically explained or given a brief mention and then dismissed.  Either way, it's not important, really.  When are vampire movies supposed to be based in reality.  There are a lot of great action sequences and special effects, and the soundtrack is very good, though not memorable in the way others are (such as Hans Zimmer's Last Samurai soundtrack, which remains one of the best soundtracks ever written, in my own opinion.)

There are some weak moments.  The movie did have a tendency to drag at some parts, and the action sequences, while awesome, did have some instances which were a stretch of the imagination.  And there are moments of ludicrousness that do strike you when you realize, I'm watching Abe Lincoln kick some vampire ass, and I love it.  But that's a minor quibble at best.

All in all, I greatly enjoyed ABVH, and would recommend for people to see it.  It certainly does surpass some of the other horrible undead movies that have come onto the market over the past few years (I'm looking at you, Resident Evil).  So head out and enjoy it.  It's an axe splitting good time.

Kerry Wood, And The Career We Were Robbed Of

Kerry Wood announced his retirement today, and after his final appearance during today’s game against the White Sox, he’ll ride off into the sunset, more than likely in a position with the Cubs’ front office or television booth.  Wood will be retiring at the age of 34, in reasonably good health, and with a career that he should be proud of.  He has a career ERA of 3.67, an 86-75 record, 1581 career strikeouts, and is on the short list of having pitched one of the greatest games by a starting pitcher in history.

Still, when you look at how Wood began his career, and how his career progressed, you can’t help but wonder that it should have progressed a lot differently.

When Wood burst onto the scene in 1998, he did so with a thunderbolt.  He pitched 166 innings, struck out 233, won 13 games, and on May 6, struck out 20 Houston Astros, joining Roger Clemens as the only pitchers to ever strike out 20 in a game.  His performance was even more dominant that that of Clemens in that he only allowed a single hit and didn’t allow a single walk.  It should have been the start of an exceptional career, one that would see Wood inherit the mantle of Nolan Ryan as that of the most dominant flamethrower in Baseball.  

Except for one problem.  Wood pitched a lot of innings since dating back to his career at Grand Prarie High School.  Wood was one of the last generations of pitchers that were willfully abused and forced to pitch far too many innings as a developing youth.  He was before the age of pitch counts and innings limits, before parents and agents sought to protect their sons and clients from overcompetitive high school and college coaches.

So it’s probably no surprise that Wood, shortly after making the majors, would get injured, due to the rather archaic standpoint of handling pitchers by his managers at the major league level.  Wood would be overworked and succumb to injury by his first manager, Jim Riggleman, during the 1999 season, after having worked 176 innings in both the regular season, minors, and playoffs in his rookie of the year winning campaign.  And Wood would continue to be injured in various parts of 2000 before showing signs of life in 2001, and possible improvement under Don Baylor.  Indeed, after 2002, having since been joined on the Cubs’ staff by Mark Prior, another bonafide young sensation, the Cubs figured to own the NL Central for the next decade.

And then 2003 and Dusty Baker happened.  Baker was another manager of the old school, who felt that a pitcher should be able to pitch whenever his name was called, and to hell with the consequences.  All this talk of pitch counts, and innings limits didn’t hold much water for Baker.  Never mind that baseball history is littered with pitchers that threw for close to 300 innings in a season, and then never pitched again.  Never mind that the San Francisco Giants, Baker’s previous employer, had several former promising pitchers that would see their careers nosedive under Baker’s watch.  No, it’s safe to say that Baker was either ignorant of the effect of too much work on a pitcher, or didn’t care.  

It should have been safe to conclude from the moment that Baker was hired that Wood was absolutely screwed.  Wood would throw 238 innings that year, more than he had ever thrown in his career, and more than he probably should have.  Perhaps if the Cubs had actually gone on to the World Series that year, maybe the sacrifice of Wood’s arm would have been worth it.  Alas, the Cubs would see their chances die in Game 6 of the NLCS, during with another victim of Baker’s mismanagement, Prior, who was exhausted by his own abuse of his arm, would see the game, and the Cubs’ chances at a title, go out the window.  Wood would gamely try to continue as a starter for another two seasons, during which the effects of the 2003 season would ultimately force him to the bullpen, as he simply did not have the stamina, or the ability, to start.

I suppose, in retrospect, back when Wood first arrived, you got the overwhelming sensation that you were going to be a witness to something special.  Wood seemed as if he was going to be the next pitcher with whom we were going to refer to as having left a legacy, much as we do Cy Young, Nolan Ryan, Roger Clemens, Warren Spahn, Sandy Koufax, Greg Maddux and others before him.  You got the feeling that he was going to leave the game much better than when he entered it.

And in a rather sad and ironic sense, Wood did leave a legacy.  It was by and large the utter destruction of both he and Prior that management and coaching in baseball began to look at the effects of utterly working pitchers’ arms to death.  While there are certain cases in which pitchers are overworked and have suffered injury before it (such as Dusty Baker and Trey Hillman’s destruction of Aaron Harang and Gil Meche’s careers respectively), the sport has moved beyond that of ignorance and tradition and more on preserving and developing an asset properly.  Pitching has been described as the most unnatural motion in nature, and it’s true that there is a high level of attrition in pitching prospects.  That does not mean that there needs to be an added element of negligence involved as well.  You are making an investment; why not do your best to preserve it. 

In 2007, Wood would reinvent himself as a reliever, and had a few solid years as a setup man and a closer before all of that wear and tear would finally lead to today, in which Wood would strike out White Sox outfielder Dayan Viciedo, and would then be removed as he was congratulated by his team mates and would be met by his son as he reached the dugout.  Wood, eerily similar to Ryan’s final bow, would emerge from the dugout, doff his hat to the fans, before riding off into the sunset.

A fine ending, and one that any player would love to go out.  Not many players are able to choose how they leave the game.  For most, it's the game that pushes them out, and leaves us with a memory that is neither pleasant, or endearing.  So, in retrospect, that Wood received such an outpouring of love from his teammates and the home crowd, at the time of his choosing, is a blessing of itself.

I just can’t help but feel that things should have gone differently.

Art Supplies - Which I Use, And Which I Don't

Leadholders

This is my weapon of choice when I’m going to draw.  The leadholder is actually the precursor to the mechanical pencil, and comes in various gauges.  I’ve settled on the 2 mm gauge since it offers the best balance of fine and solid lines, as well as the wide availability of lead.  In terms of lead grades, it features the full spectrum of darkness, ranging from 8H to 9B, and it functions very much like a regular pencil.  You do have to sharpen it with a different type of pencil sharpener, with the varieties looking like a regular pencil sharpener or a small trash can that rotates, and many leadholders do have their rear caps with a integrated sharpener, although I don’t recommend using this except in the case of an emergency.  Some of the other perks of a leadholder are that it has a nice, solid heft to it, giving you some great pencil control, and that the pencils themselves last virtually forever.  I’ve only had one ever break, and I have several leadholders that are over 20 years old and still work brilliantly.  That said, there are downsides to leadholders.  For starters, the market has switched over to mechanical pencils, meaning that you’re going to see very little varieties in terms of new leadholders, although you can still find some out there if you look hard enough, as I did when I purchased my Alvin (in the image above).  Second, if you’re wishing to do something with color, then I regret to inform you that this is not the tool for you.  I haven’t seen any official leadholder colored leads in any variety except for blue, red, and violet, although I have seen a contraption at Hobby Lobby that has colored leads in roughly 2mm.  However, they are great to use, and are my weapon of choice, though again, they aren’t for everyone.

 Mechanical Pencils

Mechanical Pencils are the descendants of the leadholder, and are where the replaceable lead medium is progressing for the foreseeable future, though occasionally you’ll see a lead pencil advanced up to the 2mm gauge (God bless the Staedtler company!)  In any case, the neat thing about Mechanical pencils is that they’re readily available, as is the lead, and they’re absolutely fantastic if you want to make a fine line or do some details.  That is also their largest drawback, as drawing to draw any sort or larger, or thicker line, is going to take several strokes.  Even the largest lead pencil grade, .9 mm, is going to take a lot of time.  Plus, even the more expensive lead pencils are going to wear out and break.  There is colored lead available for it, usually in a small variety of colors, but even then, it won’t be enough for you to try and do much with.  Another downside is the fact that the lead spectrum isn’t wide for Mechanical Pencils either, usually ranging from 2B, B, HB, and 2H respectively.  

 Traditional Drawing Pencils

Traditional drawing pencils are what you usually see sold in stores, and they come in different grades, ranging from 8H to 9B, going from light to dark.   While you do find them sold individually in some art stores, in the mega art marts, they usually come in sets, sometimes in a nice little bag or festive tin.  I have various pencils from assorted sets in my drafting desk drawer, though my favorites are probably the Staedtler and Ebony Blacks (which are almost another creature entirely, but I digress).  These are handy in that you have such a wide range of lead to work with, allowing you to use the harder leads for preliminary outlines and such, before going darker for the detail.  The problem is, well, this can get a bit unwieldy because of the amount of pencil’s you’re going to be carrying.  Plus, despite the presence of pencil extenders, there is going to be a point where the pencil itself is going to be flat out useless or impractical to continue to use.

No image to be found on Google, so Fuck it.

Compressed Lead Pencils

Compressed lead pencils are a different animal from the pencils I detailed above.  In general, they look very different, as they are all one color (it’s lead color), and really should only be sharpened with a pencil sharpener, as trying to use a knife can be incredibly messy (which I know from personal experience.)  That said, if you’re using black, you get some of the darkest blacks that you’ll have available in pencil.  When you’re drawing with these, you get a very sketchy sort of drawing, with very little defined detail unless you’ve sharpened the pencil, and even then, you’re likely to see that pencil tip disappear in very short order.  All in all, these are nice to use.  I mess around with them on weekends.

Charcoal

Charcoal comes in a variety of forms, aside from the briquettes that you use to grill on weekends.  I’ve seen them in pencil form, long whisps, and blocks.  In regards to their artistic use, they allow you to get some really dark blacks and some interesting effects regarding light and shadow.  The only problem is that they can get really messy, so you have to watch with smearing.  These really aren’t for me, although I do have a carbon black pencil that I do use for accents and the like.  But some people are able to use them, and are phenomenal with them.

 Pastels

Pastels really are just pieces of colored chalk that you can use to add and blend color onto a piece of newsprint (which it works really nicely on), or which ever paper medium you choose.  There are several benefits to using pastels as an art medium.  The most obvious and major reason why people like to use them are that they are available in such a variety of colors, allowing you to create some really beautiful, eye popping pieces.  They also come in a version that is oil based, allowing you to take a brush with some thinner and allow you to blend it, like paint.  The downside of pastels that I have found in my personal experience is that doing detail in terms of a small scale is difficult, if not impossible, so you have to go big in terms of a piece, although it's possible that this could be different if you are using a pastel pencil.  The other major downside that I've personally found it is that you get that chalky sensation when you use it.  *shudder* But that said, people do like them and can create some beautiful works with them.  One of the versions of The Scream was done with pastels.

Art Sticks (or Stix)

This is another variation of the pastel approach, only this time, rather than like chalk, these are made from the same cores as Prismalcolors colored pencils.  I have purchased some of these and found them to be quite pleasing to use when I want to add some color to a sketch.  They have almost all of the benefits of pastels, but this time without that chalk use sensation.  They give you some rather lovely shades of color, in particular the blues.  The downside to these are, again, the detail aspect, which could be solved by using just a regular colored pencil, and the fact that, unlike pastels, which come in almost any color in the spectrum, there are only a select number of colors that art sticks come in.

Movie Reviews By the Insane: Hambre Juegos! (Better Known As the Hunger Games)

Well, after a lot of procrastination and a busy work schedule, I was finally able to get enough coherent thought (or something close to it) to be able to put together my honest thoughts about the Hunger Games.  

The Hunger Games is set in a dystopian future where parts of what was the United States are reorganized into different districts in a nation called Panem.  Each district specializes in one specific task, be it mining, electronics, whathaveyou.  All the districts supply the Capitol.  Due to a insurrection years before the start of the movie, the districts are forced to send, every year, a boy and a girl from the ages of 12-18 (I think) are sent to the Capitol, where they are paraded in front of a live telecast with all the pomp of the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympic games, given an NFL/Navy SEAL type of two week training regimen, then sent into the arena after living said two weeks in the lap of luxury, where they are forced to fight to the death until one survives.  Fun times!

My three sentence review:  I liked it!

My much more long winded thoughts?  See below.